When your child is having a temper tantrum, or doesn’t listen, does this make you want to scream? Then there’s days your child’s behaviour pushes you to your absolute limit. Although it seems like yelling at the child will correct the behaviour, this is counterproductive. It’s impossible for a child to be more regulated than the parent. We need to be calm for our children to be calm. Some children are just more challenging. There is no guide for how to be a perfect parent.
Be Calm
Parents need to react calmly to their child’s behaviour. This may seem hard, and it will not happen automictically. This shift in reaction needs to be intentional. When you feel overwhelmed create a phrase to say to yourself such as, “I love my child,” “I will not yell” etc.
Take a Break
If you feel you are losing control of the situation, it is important to take a break and breathe to calm yourself down. Try moving to another area of the room or if your child is old enough step out of the room entirely. Visualize your child at a happier time and focus on good memories instead of fixating on the challenging.
Slowly and Softly
Speak slowly and softly to your child when dealing with their behaviour, this will help you to de-escalate the situation. Never expect too much of your child and take into consideration their age and ability to understand and comprehend what is expected of them.
Self Care and Support
It is also important to take care of yourself, to ensure you are at your best to take care of your children. If your needs are not met when faced with your child’s challenging behaviour your ability to calm down will drastically drop. Some parents feel that their needs are not important and asking for help is unacceptable. This is untrue, we are important and need support. Get sleep, eat well and take time for yourself.
Role Model
Sure, sometimes it feels like our children don’t listen to us unless we yell at them. However, yelling at them is only teaching them fear and can harm your relationship. When we yell at children, we are role modeling that yelling is the best way to deal with our frustration, which is only going to further develop the challenging behaviour we are trying to move away from.
Reference
Perles, K (2021, June 17). Dealing with difficult child behavior? 6 ways to keep your cool Care. https://www.care.com/c/dealing-with-difficult-child-behavior-6-ways/